I just read someone say that the only good thing about Carnaval is that Easter is coming! In general, conservative Christians try to get away during this holiday when excesses are allowed. I think retreats at this time should be called “Retreat from Carnaval” instead of the generally accepted reference, “Carnaval Retreat”. Or, in Portuguese – “retiro do carnaval” instead of “retiro de carnaval”. There is a significant difference in changing that one little word. Our retreats are meant to take us away from the revelry.

Perhaps it began with ancient Greek worship celebrations to their god of wine, which was later adopted by the Romans. It occurs every year 46 days before Easter. The Roman Catholic Church modified this festival of dressing in costumes to lead into Ash Wednesday, which is the first day of Lent. The root word in the Portuguese term, Carnaval, is the word carne, which means flesh or meat. Lent is when Catholics are forbidden to eat meat, thus the word Carnaval meaning, “put away the meat”.

The word carne also refers to flesh and most evangelical believers are careful to separate themselves from this holiday. “[Carnaval] quickly evolved into a massive celebration of indulgences – one last gasp of music, food, alcohol, and sex before Lent – before the 40 days of personal reflection, abstinence, and fasting until Easter (not exactly what the Church probably had in mind). 40 days of purging sins, preceded by a week filled with virtually every known sin.” (http://www.afropop.org/multi/feature/ID/33/ – a site without pictures)

Many Carnaval traditions are borrowed from African traditions of the early slaves brought to Brazil. Seems that the whole country is excited about partying, carousing, singing, and dancing. The elaborate parades of Carnaval held in the larger towns became a part of the Brazilian celebration in the early 1900s.

I cannot find anywhere that this festival is actually sanctioned by the Catholic Church in Brazil. Here is an article from 2000 that talks about separating the sacred and the profane in the celebrations:

Catholics may sue over Carnaval floats
http://www.latinamericanstudies.org/brazil/floats.htm

My Catholic acquaintances have no qualms about their participation and are excited about the festivities. Children are encouraged to watch the festivities on TV and to dress up in costume to dance to the beat at their schools. A neighborhood preschool even had their version of Carnaval and I was amazed to see teachers in costume dancing with the kids who were quite into the gyrations!

To this believer in Jesus Christ who considers the Bible to be her manual for living, it is absurd to imagine that God would condone such behaviour. I am responsible to live a prudent life all of the time. There is no division between lascivious living and righteous living making them both okay. God says that I am to be Holy like He is and strive to not practice sinning. All of the time.

-Vicki

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We live in the sertão – that is, semi-arid, dry for most of the year. We just had two days with several wonderful, refreshing rains. What a pleasure! The previous days, it was heating up close to 100 F and feeling a bit humid. Some lightning with thunder and a few strong winds accompanied the rain. And now it is cooler. The farmers are happy to see rain, too. Many interior places have not had rain in too many months.

We also have times of drought in our ministries and personal lives. They are challenging days of everyday routines, pushing us to share the Gospel story without seeing any response. Sometimes it can go on for several years. We have been at this for long enough to know that it is a season, not an always. Yet, it is disheartening and discouraging. We hafto draw on our inner resources and the stories we have heard from both Scripture and the lives of others to keep on going and continue trusting that the day will come when we see fruit from our labors.

Several times, the LORD has brought me treasures during these dry times to show me their value and that I had no idea what He was doing. He has brought to me, out of the blue, one or another of my Sunday School kids now grown-up. We have accompanied the activities of a few of these knowing they are serving in their local church. We “happened” to be with them when one or the other shared how I was a part of their spiritual training. And, there have been others who purposely came to tell me, that after all these years, they are still following the plan that I laid out for them in my teaching – salvation in Christ Jesus and dedication to following Him.

I consider these fruit from the dry, humdrum times in my life.

Just recently, I walked into a clinic and was waiting my turn. Learning that it would be an hour or so, I walked around and decided to sit next to a young woman asking if she minded and wanted to chat. She seemed delighted and said, “Of course!” Can you believe what we discovered as we talked?! She came to know the LORD as a child at our little church in Casa Nova. She did not remember my name or me and I do not remember her, but as we chatted, I guessed that she must have been one of my kids! Presently, she is not in one of our churches but is faithfully attending another. I could hardly believe that out of the dozen or so people that were in that waiting area, the LORD lead me directly to her!

We just do not know how our faithfulness is used to draw others to the LORD. I can hardly wait to hear all the stories in Heaven!

These lives are worth every season through which I have passed.

-Vicki

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Gift Exchange at the Vila Church

With Christmas, our birthdays, and Valentine’s Day, I have been thinking about gifts I have received and gifts I have given. A few times in my life, I have received gifts that I thought were given for my pleasure and for the desire on the part of the giver to bless me. Later, sometimes much later, I found out that the giver had bound the gift with conditions and expectations. These were confusing situations as I was completely unaware that the giver had expected something in return, from me.

Imagine a young man longing for relationship with a girl. He brings her a beautiful golden watch as a gift. She thanks him and spends the afternoon with him. He insists on more time together. She goes with him. He begins to pressure her for a more physical relationship. She refuses. A few weeks later, she braves up and explains to him that she is not ready for this kind of attention and will no longer see him. It all started with the acceptance of that gift.

Another example could be a parent buying a much longed for bicycle for their child. In the months following receipt of this gift, the parent reminds the child repeatedly that since the parent sacrificed to get that bike, the child is obligated to do whatever she is asked. The compliant child would probably do whatever, whenever asked by the parent. Any child would certainly tire of the nonstop reminders that the parent’s “love” is given with strings attached. The child’s reluctance to continue in quiet obeisance is actually a provocation by the parent. Any other response would probably be considered insolence and rebellion.

And the husband or wife who is only given gifts when reciprocal attention is desired. What message does this token transmit? Eventually, what expectations would the receiver understand to be attached to gifts? What would the gifts represent? And the misunderstandings abound when gifts are rejected or if the spouse asks that no more gifts be given.

Of course, not every gift we give has strings attached. And, yes, we all want our proffered gifts to delight our friends and family members. Without some kind of positive reaction to the gifts we give, why bother giving at all?

One of the words we teach our children about giving is the word kindness, as in “…be ye kind…” and “Do unto others…” The Bible also speaks of unselfishness and generosity. If the gifts we give are meant to manipulate or bribe others into making sure that our wants and needs are met, we stress and damage our relationships. In this way we confuse others through the use of what could be considered emotional blackmail, self-centeredness, narcissism, and passive aggressive behaviour.

“Every good and perfect gift…” from God comes to us completely paid for and without installments to be paid. If only we loved as He loves.

Our service to Him and to others is another topic.

-Vicki

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Asa-Branca (Patagioenas picazuro)/Picazuro Pigeon: A common bird of the sertão; resilient to drought conditions of the semi-arid desert-like conditions of Northeast Brazil.

I know I need to explain this title. You may think of me as special – I appreciate that. I am a gifted and creative person. I think we all are in a variety of ways. All of us like to go about creat-ing as much as our imaginative Creator has. I just wish the creators of chaos and evil would back off!

Every time a furlough is in sight, I start dreading certain aspects of it. Tim used to do all of the work prep of our presentation of reporting what we’ve been doing on the field. Used to. When I decided to try one and he liked it, he decided it would be my job from that moment in time onward. I was okay with trying it again. It worked out fine and I enjoyed learning another program. By the third time, Tim was absolutely convinced that I have a gift! So, here we go again.

This time, however, I told him that I want more input from him. We have discussed the basics. He is writing a script of sorts. He says he doesn’t mind being “the star.” We’re talking about something a bit different from the other three. I am clueless as to the specifics at this point so won’t give details.

Okay, back to my dread-threads. I am overly concerned about the question I most dread hearing from our supporters: “So, Vicki, what do YOU do?”

I hope I’m not making a mistake by admitting this. A girlfriend says she thinks the problem is that my definition of “missionary” is not broad enough. I wonder.

When we were fresh out of college, passed through BMM’s paperwork and examination, delighting in the deputation trail, gathering prayer and financial support, sharing our plans for future ministries on the field, it was much easier for me to define. I had read the books and done the assignments. I knew what I knew. I would BE a real live Missionary with a capital “M”!

Tim grew up on the field, a missionary kid, with all the apparent baggage needed to serve where he grew up. He already knew everything I didn’t know. And as soon as we arrived in Brazil, well he just fit right in. I didn’t know that I didn’t fit. I didn’t know that I wasn’t special.

Looking back after 36 years as missionaries, I can see that I kept hitting brick walls everywhere I tried to implement what I already knew was s’posed to work. You see, I had stepped into not only an established way of doing things, but also into a family-oriented way of doing things. And I did not fit. I was not special like I had thought I was before I arrived at being a newbie missionary.

Consequently, the things I had learned in Bible College had to be relearned on the field. I could not do anything “the right way”. Or maybe I should say that the textbook theories were just theories. Those who had come before us already had a plan. Some of the foundations were already laid out. And I was at the bottom of the totem pole, so to speak.

What does that mean? Um, well. It means that I live in the background and work behind the scenes. I came to the conclusion years ago, after a lot of frustration, that it made no sense for more than one or two leaders to be in the lead. With a plethora of commanders, my voice was not heard and I was stuck, unable to help anyone. We had plenty of leaders.

So, I raised my children and homeschooled them when necessary. I kept order in our home as best I could. I taught Sunday School and did visitation, including hospital visitation for several years, until it conflicted with my husband’s ministries. We used to work on prayer letters together. Now, he writes the article on the first page of our website, I do the rest. Sometimes, he helps with printing and enveloping the surface mail prayer letters. I make and take food for special events, decorate the church auditorium and bulletin board, and sometimes help with kitchen chores after events at church.

I also converse with those in need. Quietly I encourage hurting individuals to open their aching hearts in a safe place directing them to the only One that holds the spiritual key to their thirst. I am nobody special; I just have a heart to reach out to those who are.

-Vicki

BTW, if you register on this blog site, you will receive a notice when I add a new blog. Comments are most encouraging, too.

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Tolling

Trolling

Elaboration is sometimes good because it reaches into parts of us that are weary. So…here I go elaborating…briefly. Missions is more about effort and less about fishing; or is it the other way around?

The hour tolls for a brand New Year that we can no longer privilege ourselves of imagining we might pleasantly skip forward to responsibilities ignored and paybacks passed around to our acquaintances for borrowed hours and magical thinking that has kept us in a sphere of indubitably ignorant bliss around the neighborhood of all of our lame excuses and lackadaisical lies to self which blind us to who we actually claim to be and want to emulate.

Where in the world did we place our self-made dreams of becoming whom we’d never thought we would possibly turn into our graves of unlimited expressions and nightmarish expectations? If we only look underneath all of our goodwill and goodbyes, our good natures and grafted trials to make everyone love us for what we are not and for what we think they should, our complicated journeys might just unbound, rebound, and rearrange our bloated images of who we want to be, or become, or even, just simply hide behind.

Why can’t the human race relax? What makes us believe that it is okay and virtuous to pursue becoming what we are not already? Wherein lies the lies we tell ourselves?

By knowing God’s will in part only, is it possible to know the rest without taking a single step to live out what we already know?

Dare we step into our unknown tomorrows without making down payments on today?

Can our lives be paid in installments or placed on a layaway plan to be paid off some other day?

If any one of us decided that enough is enough and stepped out into the unknown without knowing where the next penny was to pay for the next meal to nourish our family to bring other children into this complicated world we wish we knew and controlled, would we be labeled “honey-covered, grasshopper-eating Johns” or “mystical, heads-in-the-clouds Marys”?

Who among us has altered the humdrum, illusionistic thinking of our world today and now? Who do YOU know that has threatened the outlooks and perceptions of the masses and the controlling authorities, undermining and shifting the patterns of societal, subversive, and subjective norms? Name just one person that you know…personally…up close that has made a diff.

What would it take for just one individual to step out of the safety of the crowds to say:

Hey, I stand for something bigger than BIG!

Hey, I will not stand for defamation of God or HIS WORD!

Hey, I want to share my experience with YOU.

Hey, whether you listen or not is up to you. Let me tell you the Truth. Let me show you the Way. Just listen to what Christ has done in my life and can do for YOU. Where will YOU spend your eternity that has already begun?

What do we have to lose? Life? Liberty? Happiness? A good time? Our reputations? Our livelihood? Perhaps all of these and more.

You might think it would not make a difference at all. Does it matter if we trend with the trendy or mix with the modus operandi? I suggest that we are losing ourselves in the patterns of modern society. We won’t make a bit of difference and we won’t spark anyone to think discriminately or question self to look for anything outside of the parameters or perimeters of their present existence if we do not stand for something BIGGER than ourselves.

No yelling. No banner waving. No sign in the grandstands. No obnoxiousness. No apologies. Quietly and persistently telling the story of one who lives and loves THE ONE Who lives and loves, making a difference in this world.

-Vicki

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This year, I was able to get our tree up and decorated without much emotion, but not without my mind racing back to many past celebrations.

As a child, Christmas was my favorite. I anticipated family time, foods that we did not have any other time of the year, sometimes a meal at someone else’s house, and presents from Mom and Dad. I did not realize my parents’ sacrifice until I was older. As a teen, seeing that meals and gift giving were a bit more extravagant in other homes was disconcerting. I don’t think I really got the full picture until I had children of my own and money was limited.

Most of our years here were financially lean years and I made a lot of the gifts. I enjoyed honing my sewing skills. I also loved it when Tim occasionally participated agreeing to help with things I was unable to do. Some of those gifts were a dollhouse, a tent, a surfboard cover, various articles of clothing, needlepoint and other pillows, and playhouse furniture.

During the many years before our church called a national pastor, I was in charge of ages 0 – 12 or so and the programs were my responsibility. I did a lot of things with the children and they had fun. Without much money to spend, I found it challenging to come up with low cost programs. I dressed the children using bedding and bits of things I had saved, rarely buying anything besides refillable markers (and more ink), paper, glue, and glitter.

We did not have instruments or sound system, so I taught them short songs about Christmas a cappella. I found poems for them to memorize and had them play out the Christmas story of Christ’s birth. I usually was able to give out little packages of candy, and sometimes, a small toy. It was a wonderful way for the children to have fun and share what they had been learning with their parents and other family members. I loved seeing “my” Sunday School kids smiling broadly and singing happily!

One furlough, a church asked us to be their Christmas missionaries. They showered us with gifts and a small artificial tree with lights and ornaments made by the ladies. I was so overwhelmed that I cried! It was our first tree and we used it until the year of our son’s death just before Christmas 1999. I had found an inexpensive taller 5’ tree and a string of 220-volt lights (the voltage here in Northeast Brazil). Our oldest son was coming from the U.S. for Christmas and we were all excited. He would be flying into Fortaleza, where our other two were boarding and attending MK school.

Our church had been on its own for several years and we were making plans to move. Tim purchased land for our house. He told me that the floor plan would be mine! I drew up 10 of them of varying sizes and he picked the one he liked best. It was an exciting time for us. The floor plans were in the hands of an architect who was drawing the outside of the house. The end of the school semester was close, the kids were taking their final exams, and we drove out to celebrate our daughter’s birthday and await our oldest son’s arrival.

On Dec. 16, the architect called us saying the plans were ready. So Tim and I excitedly took off to pick them up. When we arrived back on campus where we were staying in the guest apartments, everything began to play in slow motion, and that’s how it went for many days after that. We received the call that our middle child had been electrocuted (remember 220-volts here) while helping string Christmas lights!

The scene has played out in my mind and heart hundreds of times since then. It does not even need to be Christmastime. That was 12 years ago. Many people seem to think that with time, the emotion and sadness should pass and I should be less affected by the memories. I admit to you that I don’t feel stronger. I will lament my son’s departure for heaven every day of my life here on Terran. Just because my children no longer live with us does not mean that they are no longer a part of our lives. This experience has changed everything, and me, in many ways. I will never be the person I was before God took James. As challenging as this has been, God has been in it all the way. I do not want to lose what I have gained through this harsh experience.

A lot of people have been touched by our experience. Our family. Our friends. Our children’s friends. Strangers. Most have been tender towards our family’s needs. We are ever grateful for those who were close by and helped us carry the load of sorrow. A few still listen when we groan. The hope of Christmas past and Christmas now is why we still share the story. The story of Christmas gives meaning and precious hope to our own story.

-Vicki

Three links about lamenting:

Are Lament and Grief Biblical?

Lament in the Bible and in Music and Poetry across Cultures Today

Bringing Our Pain to God: Michael Card and Calvin Seerveld on Biblical Lamentation in Worship

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My last blog was about some of the negatives I have faced as a missionary. It has not all been a bed of roses nor has it all been difficult. We´ve been here for over 30 years and our life has not been without benefits.

I remember one young man told Tim that he wanted to be a missionary because then he would not hafto work! Another time, a young visitor cried to me that her time with us had been wasted because she didn´t have anything exciting to share with those who had helped to pay for her trip!

We can´t really blame these kids for their perspective on what our lives have been about because they were looking at it all from a childish perspective, for a brief period of what they personally saw and experienced, AND they really had no idea of the broader picture. Most of our every day missionary life truly is mundane and b-o-r-i-n-g! Yet there are those special moments and hours that make all the boring times worth it!

We keep house, do maintenance and yard work, study a LOT, meditate and pray, stand in lines to pay bills, buy groceries, teach our children (that´s past tense), spend way more time than we´d like on certain tasks, write hundreds of letters (and emails), attend business meetings, sort and file papers, run errands, decorate the church, sometimes clean the church, counsel people, spend time on the road, get sick, go to the doctor. We do things that most human beings do. It all takes time! Missionaries wear a lot of different hats, so to speak, and most of them are absolutely necessary.

The tendency is to cut out some of these things when we have visitors. Consequently, visitors don´t always get the true picture and think our lives must be pretty easy. It´s understandable that someone who goes fishing with Tim every time they visit would think that the missionary pastor fishes all of the time! When our children were small, I would try my best to prepare our home and food well in advance of company coming so that I could take time to sit and converse, enjoying them. One day, I realized that by doing that I was preventing them from understanding what I went through and the amount of time involved in from-scratch food prep and what all. I decided to at least stop doing it that way for our overseas visitors.

Our lives really are less complex than they were even 10 years ago, for which I am most grateful! Now I can spend some time writing a blog and updating our website.

So here are a few of the benefits, as I see it:

I have a broader picture and perspective of the world. You can have it, too, by living in and learning about several different cultures for extended periods of time. I think it takes a non-vacation, I-hafto-stay-in-this-place-for-a-long-time attitude and perspective. If you know you can go “home” when the going gets tough, you won´t get a true taste of what a missionary experiences immersed in his adopted culture.

I live with my eyes wide-open. In other words, the truth of “I´m in this for the long haul” has made me vulnerable to who I am, what I believe, and what I will die for. We know missionaries (not in Brazil) who have had to flee their adopted countries because of war. They left everything they owned there. We know of a few who were kidnapped and suffered greatly. Those few times when U.S. citizens are not popular and when a colleague has been assaulted have brought us to the point of at least considering some of the “what-ifs”.

I have been forced to learn some things I never wanted to learn. I can´t always make a difference in the circumstances of someone I care about and, sometimes, I hafto walk away. What to do or who to call when my husband´s away – to fix a broken pipe, burned-up water pump, or when a thief has entered our yard and the dogs are going nuts! What to unplug when the power surges. How to get by during power outages, which are so common here, even more so in the previous town in which we lived. How to kill a snake, tarantula, or scorpion. How to treat my family and pets for parasites – ticks, lice, worms, and amoeba.

I know the joy of seeing people improve their spiritual lives and how to use spiritual warfare a little better than I used to. I read about these things early in my Christian walk. Experiencing them often is exciting and gives meaning to my life and service.

Many of my relationships cross barriers. I have told my children and many others that you never know where the LORD might send you and you need to be so practiced at good manners that it comes naturally. I think this is also true of living spiritually. It never fails to amaze me that everywhere I go, I find believers in Jesus Christ! A few years ago, a big truck that turned the corner on my left as I was turning the corner crunched my little VW against the sidewalk. I stayed in the car for a bit, shaking from the scare. I cannot count the number of believers that came up to the car and told me they were praying for me! I did not know any of them! On countless trips I have made by bus and airplane, God has placed believers nearby. Sometimes they are there for me and other times I know that I am there for them!

I KNOW I can make it in life because I have experienced hard times and still kept living for the LORD. I fought loneliness and depression most of my adult life. We have lived most of our years here undersupported and never in need! I have faced harsh criticism from the most unlikely places. I sent my children to boarding school. We buried a son here. I lost relationships that I thought would last a lifetime. I have trusted the LORD through it all and I have matured.

I also realize that the world goes on whether I participate or not! I AM replaceable! This doesn´t dishearten me at all. God has plans which include me. He will do what He promised and if I want to be part of that, I will keep right on doing what I know for sure He expects of me. If I do not, His plans will not be thwarted. He does not lose.

You perhaps noted that it took the negative experiences to bring me to the benefits. That is often how God works.

-Vicki

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